Facing a fear!!!

Today one of my fears came true. 

I was locked, with no way out and no one to hear me, in a freezer.  I don’t mean a chest freezer or something you would find in your kitchen.  I mean one of those massive walk in freezers.

Here I was helping my lovely friend in the canteen at the local footy club and I was given the task of going outside to the refrigerated truck to retrieve a bag of chips.  A harmless bag of frozen chips.

Easy, I could do that.  No worries.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.  Until the door swung closed behind me, plunging me into darkness.  It was so dark I couldn’t even see my hand on the end of my arm.

There I was in the pitch black, freezing cold, screaming my lungs out for anyone that may be listening.  Of course this particular truck had been parked behind the building away from the crowds of children and parents that would have run to my rescue.

Visions of every television show I had ever seen involving people dying in a freezer sprung to mind as I clawed my way around the door in the hope that I would find something that would open it.  I continued to scream.  Actually I should be more honest and say it was more like a blood curdling scream that was coming out of my mouth.  Along with the hammering on the door, a heart that was beating at approximately a million beats per minute and a throat that was closing in fear, I saw my life flash before my eyes.  The thought “I can’t die like this’ did filter through my brain along with the question of how long it would take for me to turn into a popsicle, all the while the hammering and screaming continued.  I knew that the ladies in the kitchen would come looking for me eventually but with all the chatting and burger making that was happening in there I wondered if that would be today.

Of course I eventually found the handle, and yes it was not in the obvious place near the edge of the door, I opened the it and embraced freedom.  With shaking hands and legs, I wiped the tears from my eyes, grabbed my chips and walked back inside, holding my head high and praying that after that performance nobody had actually heard me.  Because yes, it was exceptionally embarrassing once I knew all I had to do was open the handle.

A Cup of Coffee

My life consists of cups of coffee. 

Well at least that’s what my family thinks.  They think because I have the luxury of time that means that all I must do with it is sit around with a relaxing cup of coffee without a care in the world.

“Aren’t you bored?” is the question that I get asked regularly.

If only I had that luxury.

No I'm not bored!

Yes, I do meet my friends for a cuppa but this time is not wasted on idle chit chat.  We spend the hour discussing our lives, our families and our careers (or lack there of) and I listen to every worry that they have.  I don’t pretend to know the answers or even help them, but isn’t there a saying “A worry shared is a worry halved”?

We can’t always solve the worries of the world with just one cuppa, sometimes it takes quite a few, but we battle on.  It’s what we do.  And to some of those on the outside it may look frivolous, relaxing and indulgent but don’t always judge a book by its cover.  Some of the concerns that we all have are major and just talking to someone about it can make all the difference.

All I do know, is that when we part, my beautiful friends usually have a smile on their face and a little bit more spring in their step because whatever the problem may be, they know that there is someone out there who understands.  They are not alone with their battles.  

So please don't underestimate the power of a cup of coffee. It may just save someone's sanity

Everyone has a story

Everyone has a story don’t they.  Whether its happy or sad, exciting or boring, life altering or just life sharing, we all have our story to tell.  As I sit here in the church listening to the priest tell the story of my lovely friends life and how she has just collected her express ticket to the pearly gates, I can’t help but wonder what my story is.  I know that I haven’t done anything earth shattering or life altering, but I guess, like my beautifulfriend I have made an impact on some peoples lives.  And I suppose that says a lot.  And it’s important. I think it’s more important than some who have much more important jobs with big fancy titles, or who think they are someone just because of their jobs.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m happy that they are happy doing what they do.  I just wish they would get off my case and allow me to be happy doing what I do.  And that’s being a mother. 

It’s a job that I absolutely love, yet I feel that I am being made redundant in. However, unlike when you are actually paid to do a job and the boss calls you to the board room only to hand you an envelope stating you are redundant and this is your pay out, being made redundant by your teenagers is a long drawn out process. It’s a job that has been life consuming for the past 18 years and now all of a sudden they have a licence and a job and a life of their own.  I mean, how dare they?  Don’t they think about poor old mum sitting at home alone, with no career because she has just dedicated her entire adultlife to raising them?

No. They are much more concerned with how they are going to lower the springs on their car so that it will be virtually dragging on the ground making it look totally ‘sick’.  Or how much bigger they can make the massive holes in their  ears.  I mean seriously, I could put a bloodychain and padlock through it.  Hmm,maybe that’s what I should do. Chain him to the couch and make him stay home a bit more often.  Then again, maybe not. 

I looked over at my friend Georgie’s kids.  Georgie would be my second best friend in the whole world, next to my husband of course. When she phoned me to say that Therese had left us for an eternity of peace, I couldn’t quite believe it.  She was only 47.  We’re not supposed to die and leave our children until we are at least 87. What was God thinking?  Watching your children grow is the most precious gift of all.  One that makes my heart cry for my friend Therese. 

RIP my beautiful friend and know that your children and your husband will be watched over and cared for.  Not in the same way that you watchedand cared for them, but in the best way that we all know how.

I know I'm old

I know – I’m old.  I’m 42, oops 43 years old and my life is over. 

At least that’s what my teenagers lead me to believe.  In the words of my 16 years old daughter – “I need to get out and live Mum.  Before I get old and have no life.  This woman came into work today – she was 41.  I don’t want to be like that.”

Yes, 43 and I’m old with no life.  And here I was thinking the total opposite to that.  I was thinking that finally my children are nearly off my hands and I can go back to doing whatever the hell I want.  My husband and I can move out of home and start to see things we have only dreamt about.  You know the things that you couldn’t afford to do with kids.  Don’t get me wrong we’ve had some great family holidays and if I were rich I would love to take my kids with me to see the world.  Only now they are teenagers we would have to take their respective girlfriends and boyfriends with us.  They wouldn’t want to be stuck with just Mum and Dad for company, would they?

I always feared the day that they would grow up.  I could never imagine wanting them to move out of home.  In fact, ten years ago the very thought of it would have made me cry.  But I think that’s what the teenage years are all about.  Who looks at their 6 year old and happily thinks about the day he/she will move out.  Ask that same parent that same question the day she turns 16.  See if you get the same answer. 

I used to think about the mother bird throwing her babies out of the nest and think ‘how could she?’  Now I envy her courage.  Her ability to just do it.  To put her beak up their backsides and push. 

Every time they come home moody or intolerant, or say “What would you know Mum? You’re old’ I sit back and fantasize about getting my size 6 shoe and shoving it somewhere the sun don’t shine.

Please believe me when I tell you I love my kids and I’m actually really proud of the people they are growing into.  I just wish that in their eyes, I didn’t have to grow old as they grow up.